The Trauma of Being Targeted: Feeling Helpless, Vulnerable, and Alone

I am traumatized by the ordeal my son and I have been forced to endure. For reasons I still don’t understand, we’ve been left in a situation where we are both vulnerable and powerless. No money. No employment. No support. And the constant fear that comes with feeling watched and manipulated. It’s a relentless experience that has stripped me of my sense of security, and left me with an overwhelming sense of helplessness. Every day, I feel the weight of this trauma on my shoulders. I have to care for my son, and that responsibility feels heavier with each passing day. The emotional toll of trying to navigate through this nightmare — while being isolated, rejected, and constantly surveilled — is disheartening beyond words. No one should have to live through what we’re going through. No one should have to endure this kind of trauma. I’ve become so fearful of speaking with anyone, unsure who can be trusted or if the conversation will be twisted and used against me. The fear is constant, and the vulnerability is suffocating. I feel like I am in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight, never able to truly rest or relax. The stress has built up over time, and it’s left me with a deep internal pain. I am crying inside because I’ve had to build up such a thick resistance just to survive, just to make it through the day. I’ve been in survival mode for so long that it’s hard to remember what peace or trust even feels like. The hardest part is not knowing when — or if — I will regain the ability to trust again. The world feels so unsafe. I feel so alone in this. How much longer can I keep fighting? How much longer can I hold on before the emotional weight becomes too much? Each day is a battle, and I just want to get to a place where I can breathe again, where I can rebuild my life without fear looming over every step I take. This experience has taken so much from me — my peace, my sense of security, my trust in others — and it has been incredibly hard to process what I’ve gone through. But I want to share this story because I know I am not the only one who feels like this. No one should have to face this kind of ordeal, and if you are going through something similar, I want you to know you are not alone. We are in this together.